


They Blame Nick

by pennigirl



Series: Family (or Phil and Clint do everything backwards) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, F/M, New Parents, Nick Fury is a great babysitter, Office Issues, SHIELD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 18:57:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13957917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennigirl/pseuds/pennigirl
Summary: Phil should have known Nick wouldn't let her stay on maternity leave.





	They Blame Nick

 

One time, when asked about why they had their first two children so close together. Clint and Phil just blamed Nick Fury.

He, unfortunately, would have to agree with them.

 

Phil got the call on a Wednesday.

She had been attempting a nap in the nursery just before dawn, the baby resting on her chest as she glided softly in the plush chair some staff had bought her as a gift. Next to her, the phone lit up with a call, and Phil glared at it and placed a soothing hand on the baby’s back before reaching for the phone. She gave a withering glance at the ID and swiped the phone on. “No,” she said without greeting.

“Hello to you, too, Phil,” Nick Fury said in a low voice over the line.

Phil rolled her eyes at his response. “I have a nine week old child. My answer is no. “

Nick huffed. “C’mon Phil, I’ll owe you one.”

“Really?” Phil asked. “Gee, whatever shall I do with a favor like that? Oh yeah. I’ll just add it to my list with the fifty others from the past _year_.”

“Look, I’ve got Jasper out on an op, Hand is in Medical, Maria is in Taipei dealing with the new sandbox, and a shit storm just hit. I _need_ you.”

Phil sighed. “Then use another handler, there have to be at least a dozen dying to get an opportunity to run one of your ops.”

“Yeah, but none of them are you. And none of them know the history on the Tripoli op like you. You know, the op you planned personally before you left.”

Phil frowned. And patted the baby’s back when they grumbled. “I don’t have anyone to watch the baby. Clint’s at work and if we’re to keep up appearances…”

“I’ll handle it,” Nick said. “Just get over here.”

“Fine,” Phil said. “But I’m bringing her with me, and I’m not putting on regular clothes.”

“I’m calling my best agent in four weeks early from the maternity leave I promised in blood, so she can fix a cluster of a mess. You think I give a shit what you wear?”

Phil sighed. “I’ll be there in an hour.”

 

Phil strode out of the elevator on her floor with as steady a walk as on could have with an infant strapped to their chest in deep purple cloth.  Phil ignored the stares she got, and headed for the main meeting area. Fury stood there talking to Melinda and Natasha, neither of whom blinked at seeing Phil walk over with the baby.

“Hello everyone,” Phil said, taking the tablet Melinda handed her. She swiped it open and asked, “Who do I get to kill for being in here today?”

Fury nodded at the agent next to him and they began to speak rapidly on the details of the Tripoli mission.

 

Fourteen hours, six meetings, two angry phone calls, three tased agents, and eight cups of coffee later, Phil sat down on her couch in her office with a sigh. She checked the clock on her phone and grimaced at the time, but couldn’t get herself to stop from leaning against the cushions in exhaustion. _Five minutes,_ she told herself. _Just five minutes._

Phil’s door closed and she opened her eyes groggily. “What time is it?” she asked sleepily.

“A little after midnight,” Clint said, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Not long, maybe an hour or so.”

“The baby?” she asked. She had handed her off to a scared looking Carter a couple of hours after she got there, shortly before jamming  a taser into a level two agents stomach after he suggested she might want to go home to play mommy.

“Fury’s got her. Said it’s the least he could do after dragging you in.”

Phil hummed in acknowledgement. “He say for how long?”

“Nope,” Clint said. He rubbed a hand up and down Phil’s back, and she let a soft sigh escape. Clint smiled at the sound and leaned in to press a kiss to her temple. “Pretty sure I saw him ordering some baby agent to bring him a swing for his office though.”

Phil chuckled lightly, the sound coming out as more of a light huff than a laugh. “Need a picture.”

“May’s already promised us one.”

“Good,” Phil said. She cuddled deeper into her pillow, and smiled when Clint placed a light kiss on her lips. “Sleepy,” she said.

“I’m sure,” Clint agreed softy. He kissed her on her neck. “It’s been a long day.”

He kissed her again, pulling the neck of her top down enough to expose the pale skin of her shoulder.

“We’re at work,” Phil said, slightly more awake than before.

“Hasn’t stopped us before,” Clint said.

Phil sighed out a deep breath and flopped down onto her back on the couch. She opened her eyes and gave Clint an annoyed look. “I am not having sex with you on my office couch while Nick watches the baby. We should be taking her back and heading home.”

“True,” Clint said. He leaned over her and climbed on to the couch with her, holding his weight above her, so as not to smoosh her, he bit lightly at her shoulder through the light fabric of her sweater. “Or, we could shamelessly take advantage of his kindness as babysitter and have sex on the couch a few times before taking back the baby and heading home. You know, the place where both really want to have sex, but get interrupted by the baby.” He slid a hand up her stomach and palmed her breast through her soft cotton bra. “Your doctor did clear you, after all.”

Phil sighed out a moan at the feel of his hand.

“That’s,” she began, as Clint slid his other hand down her thigh and pulled her left leg over his hip, her right still underneath him on the couch. “A horrible abuse of him as our babysitter.”

“It’s not a no,” Clint said, leaning some weight on her, is erection felt through his pants.

Phil slid a hand up his arm and into his hair as he leaned down and kissed her neck. “I smell like baby,” she protested as is lips made their way up her jaw. “And I haven’t gone on birth control yet. You heard the doc, fertile myrtle right now.”

“Don’t care about the smell,” Clint said, taking her lips in a kiss. He leaned back briefly to say, “And I have condoms in my wallet.”

Phil groaned and pulled him into a kiss. Clint ground his hips against her, palm squeezing her breast again and his hand on her leg sliding up her hip to pull down the waist band of her yoga pants.

Phil broke the kiss and said breathlessly, “Twice, and that’s it.”

Clint grinned. “Deal.”

 

On the other side of the building, Nick fury stared down at the blonde haired blue eyed little girl swaying gently in a pink swing and said. “Your parents better not be getting up to any funny business.”

The baby gurgled and he smiled at her. “You’re kinda cute,” he said. “You get that from your mama, I don’t care what she says.”

The baby gave what looked like a smile, grunted, and then released a loud noise from her bottom.

Nick frowned. “You get that from your father. I’m sure.”

The baby waved a fist at him.

He gathered the quickly smelling baby and her blankets up in a bundle. “C’mon, let’s go find you a shower. I didn’t give your parents a time limit, so they probably are getting up to some funny business.”

The baby smiled and farted again.

“Yup,” Nick said, “just like your daddy.” As he walked out his office he said. “They better not be coming back to me in two weeks saying you’re gonna be a big sister, either. I’ll tell you that much right now.”

The baby yawned as his steps soothed her into sleepiness.

 

It took Phil five weeks.

They had another girl.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ya know, I wasn't originally planing to write this one shot. The timeline I wrote out for this series was supposed to jump to a completely different scene. But I was writing today and this idea just popped into my head and I had to get it out. 
> 
> Hope you all like it.


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